Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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