My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
