So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
