Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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