I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
one two three fourrrrnication!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
