i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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