at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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