Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
did you just send me my own nude
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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