Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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