I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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