I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
