Do vagina's smell?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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