he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
