he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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