his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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