the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize