In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
