He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.