You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.