Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.