dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra