mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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