At least make sure they are 18
Why
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
