so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
