i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Houston, we have a blender
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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