he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
