I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize