On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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