Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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