Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
