i need an iv and a liver transplant
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
