like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.