Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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