It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
