my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
