i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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