Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
