Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
