And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
