ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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