she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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