Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
