No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
