lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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