She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
