it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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