Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
