the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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