i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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