he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
