Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
