I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
