Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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