her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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