You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
