CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
