1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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