He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
