don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drunk is not a location!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
