Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need a beard to bite.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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