I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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