dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
